Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
7wks 3 days
Update on baby. My Wednesday HCG was good and so was my Progesterone. Friday I had my HCG drawn again. It was okay but it hadn't doubled. SO I have an ultrasound scheduled for today to 6:15 pm. My bleeding stopped after 5 days. But today I have a small amount again. I don't know what to make of it anymore.
I'm feeling okay. I've felt pretty nausea. My doctor gave me some zofran which helps. Hoping to see the heart beat today so I know everything is okay. I had one of the girls at work scan me last night and I got to see baby for the first time. It was basically a spot though because our ultrasound machine isn't quite as fancy as the one they will use tonight!
Pray that baby looks healthy :)
I'm feeling okay. I've felt pretty nausea. My doctor gave me some zofran which helps. Hoping to see the heart beat today so I know everything is okay. I had one of the girls at work scan me last night and I got to see baby for the first time. It was basically a spot though because our ultrasound machine isn't quite as fancy as the one they will use tonight!
Pray that baby looks healthy :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
More Scary
After my scary bleeding Thursday to Friday the bleeding stopped. That made me feel much better. Even tho it was replaced by constant nausea. (which I think was more my anxiety than anything else). Monday night I went into work and at 4 AM Tuesday morning I felt some pressure again. Sure enough the bleeding had started again. At this point I feel like crying. I drag my way through the remainder of my shift and go to bed hoping it will stop. I wake up and I'm still spotting. At this point I decide to take another PT which is still positive PTL and to call my OBGYN.
She tells me its old blood because this time its brown. Maybe its just left over from before. She is still going to schedule me a ultrasound. This info isn't coming right from her but its what her office is telling me.
I pray and pray I get canceled Tuesday night but I don't. We are too busy. I try to muster up the emotional strength to go into work and help other women birth their babies into the world. Something I am increasingly scared I will be doing way too soon. Work goes okay despite my occasional teary moments when ppl ask me how I'm doing. I had a great patient who made the night better. I try to "take it easy" as the Dr told me to do but try as I may NOT to have to lift my pt I do. And then later she fainted on the toilet so I don't think holding her up was "taking it easy" but I had 3 other RN"s help after I put the emergency light on.
By the end of my shift I am still spotting. One of the residents tells me to go to the ER. They can run tests and that way I don 't have to keep worrying about the what ifs. I decide to go home and go to bed instead. I'm hoping I will wake up and it will have stopped. But it doesn't. So I call my OBGYN again. This time she talks to me herself! Which makes me feel better but also like I'm bugging her. She asks if I am having any one sided pain. No. If the bleeding is heavy. No. Cramping? No just pressure. She then says she will schedule me an ultra sound for Monday because I will be 7 wks and it's hard to see baby at this point. She also wants me to get some lab work done today and then Friday. (HCG and Progesterone)
I'm going into work early today to get my labs drawn. I'm glad something is actually being done so I can at least have peace of mind as to what is going on. I have to work again tonight and I really don't want to. But maybe it helps keep my mind of things.
Please keep your prayers coming. I am so emotional and just drained to my core. I just want this first trimester to be done!
She tells me its old blood because this time its brown. Maybe its just left over from before. She is still going to schedule me a ultrasound. This info isn't coming right from her but its what her office is telling me.
I pray and pray I get canceled Tuesday night but I don't. We are too busy. I try to muster up the emotional strength to go into work and help other women birth their babies into the world. Something I am increasingly scared I will be doing way too soon. Work goes okay despite my occasional teary moments when ppl ask me how I'm doing. I had a great patient who made the night better. I try to "take it easy" as the Dr told me to do but try as I may NOT to have to lift my pt I do. And then later she fainted on the toilet so I don't think holding her up was "taking it easy" but I had 3 other RN"s help after I put the emergency light on.
By the end of my shift I am still spotting. One of the residents tells me to go to the ER. They can run tests and that way I don 't have to keep worrying about the what ifs. I decide to go home and go to bed instead. I'm hoping I will wake up and it will have stopped. But it doesn't. So I call my OBGYN again. This time she talks to me herself! Which makes me feel better but also like I'm bugging her. She asks if I am having any one sided pain. No. If the bleeding is heavy. No. Cramping? No just pressure. She then says she will schedule me an ultra sound for Monday because I will be 7 wks and it's hard to see baby at this point. She also wants me to get some lab work done today and then Friday. (HCG and Progesterone)
I'm going into work early today to get my labs drawn. I'm glad something is actually being done so I can at least have peace of mind as to what is going on. I have to work again tonight and I really don't want to. But maybe it helps keep my mind of things.
Please keep your prayers coming. I am so emotional and just drained to my core. I just want this first trimester to be done!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Update on the Scary
So still no more bleeding. I called one of the residents I work with last night just to get her opinion. She said it was probably just my cervix. But she wants me to call my OBGYN on Monday and most likely get a ultrasound to check for viability. Which sounds scary to me. But I still feel pregnant. I am nauseous all the time. Nothing seems to help. It may be partially from my anxiety. Not sure. And I am a sleepy sleepy girl this weekend. I hope this is only here for the first trimester! I can't deal with this for 9 months! I feel pretty confident that baby is okay but I will feel better after I talk to my OBGYN.
On a fun note. Josh and I can't seem to agree on any names. So we went to Target and bought a baby book. We also had a fun day driving around the peninsulas, stopping at orchards and getting carmel apples and cider. I was nauseous for most of it but still no voming...maybe it would be better if I did tho???
Thanks for the thought and prayers. Good night! :)
On a fun note. Josh and I can't seem to agree on any names. So we went to Target and bought a baby book. We also had a fun day driving around the peninsulas, stopping at orchards and getting carmel apples and cider. I was nauseous for most of it but still no voming...maybe it would be better if I did tho???
Thanks for the thought and prayers. Good night! :)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Scary
Today pretty much sucked! To put it mildly. Last night I spotted...BRIGHT RED BLOOD! My stomach dropped to my feet. I knew it could be nothing. During pregnancy your cervix is really engorged and so it bleeds easily. I tossed and turned all night. I woke up and it looked like it had stopped. I rushed to Family Fare to get a PT just to be sure. I get home pee on it and then realize it's an ovulation test. GREAT!
Josh and I stop on the way up north to pick up what I thought I had already gotten, a PT. But of course I can't use it. I'm all out of pee. GREAT...more worrying. Finally 2 hours later we stop and I pee on my pee stick. The next few seconds are agony. Then I see what I'm waiting for...2 pink lines. Whewh!
I'm still really worried about it though. Only time will tell. I plan on taking another PT in a day or so just for some additional confirmation. I still haven't bleed yet today but my pelvis feels heavy. I don't know how else to explain it. It's not campy. Maybe pressure but I've had this feeling before. Also my nausea is horrible today. But that brings me comfort because that means my little pea pod is growing.
Please pray for me and baby. That baby is safe and that I can feel maybe a little bit better. Thanks!
Josh and I stop on the way up north to pick up what I thought I had already gotten, a PT. But of course I can't use it. I'm all out of pee. GREAT...more worrying. Finally 2 hours later we stop and I pee on my pee stick. The next few seconds are agony. Then I see what I'm waiting for...2 pink lines. Whewh!
I'm still really worried about it though. Only time will tell. I plan on taking another PT in a day or so just for some additional confirmation. I still haven't bleed yet today but my pelvis feels heavy. I don't know how else to explain it. It's not campy. Maybe pressure but I've had this feeling before. Also my nausea is horrible today. But that brings me comfort because that means my little pea pod is growing.
Please pray for me and baby. That baby is safe and that I can feel maybe a little bit better. Thanks!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Secret Sister Weekend and My Not So Secret Secret
Every year my aunts and some of my cousins and sisters (whoever can make it or whoever can make it a priority...did I just say that out loud!?!) get together the second weekend in October. It's called Secret Sister Weekend. We eat food, see the sights, catch up and drink wine. This year the wine part was something I was nervous about. I was only 4 wks and 4 days pregnant that wkend. (now I'm 5 wks and 3 days which I know is still early)
Before I left Friday I said to my husband that I would try not to tell anyone about me being pregnant yet (like I said before he wants to wait until I'm further along). As I was driving out to my mom's to meet her I was thinking "I can do this. I can keep this a secret." I was more telling myself this than anything else. I've never been good at keeping secrets. Especially one's about myself. I'm an open book. It's therapeutic for me to talk to ppl. It's really hard for me to keep something locked inside.
The second I saw my mom I wanted to yell "I'm pregnant! You're going to be a grandma!" But I didn't. We talked small talk and left for lunch. At lunch we actually talked about how she felt when she was pregnant. Which I tried to play off as casual convo. Then we left to meet up with everyone else at the cottage we were renting.
My Mom and I unpacked and then waited for the others to get there. The next person there was my Aunt Janet. The first thing she says when she walks through the door is that she brought 5 bottles of wine. She then sets them on the table and produces a stack of cups with names on them. Of course she has one with my name on it. Immediately I am nervous and anxious. I don't want my mom to find out I'm pregnant on her own. I want to tell her. I could just refuse the wine which she is pouring for herself and my mom at this very moment. It wouldn't be strange to decline a glass of wine the first time but this is going to go on all weekend. How can I avoid this all weekend. It's at this point I decide to tell her. I can't keep it in anymore.
I walk up to her and my aunt. I look my mom in eyes and grab her hand and say "Mom I can't have any wine". She says "What why?" I repeat myself and then she gets teary-eyed because she's starting to catch on. Then my aunt says "Jane she's pregnant! You're going to be a grandma!" Then my mom puts her hand on my stomach (which she already has a habit of doing now) and asks me some questions. She can't believe I didn't tell her at lunch. I tell my Aunt and her that I dont' want everyone to know. However all their yelling after they found out brings my Aunt Joyce running down the stairs. So now it's 2 aunts and my mom that know. I repeat that I dont' want them to tell anyone and they all agree to keep it quiet.
The next person I tell is my sister Sarah. The whole group took a walk down to the beach. I got Sarah to walk away from the group. It was such a pretty night. The moon was bright. You could see fog on the water and the pier was glowing off in the distance. I grabbed her hand and put it on my stomach and said "You're going to be a Auntie!" I think she said something like "really are you serious?" She was excited. It was fun to tell her. One down....2 more sisters to go.
Besides some friends at work I haven't told anyone else yet. Maybe soon though.
I wanted to share how I've been feeling during wk 5. I feel tired. I seem to get nausea after I eat which I think is weird. It seems to peek its ugly head at 4 am on the nights I work. So far I haven't actually thrown up but maybe I would feel better if I did. The thing that is the worst is that my boobs hurt. Which I get around my period normally but this is a lot worse. I can barely sleep on my stomach! Other than all that I feel good. I seem to have lost some weight. Probably because I don't have much of an appetite.
Tomorrow Josh and I leave for Traverse City! Probably the last trip we take before we become parents. I hope I feel good!
Before I left Friday I said to my husband that I would try not to tell anyone about me being pregnant yet (like I said before he wants to wait until I'm further along). As I was driving out to my mom's to meet her I was thinking "I can do this. I can keep this a secret." I was more telling myself this than anything else. I've never been good at keeping secrets. Especially one's about myself. I'm an open book. It's therapeutic for me to talk to ppl. It's really hard for me to keep something locked inside.
The second I saw my mom I wanted to yell "I'm pregnant! You're going to be a grandma!" But I didn't. We talked small talk and left for lunch. At lunch we actually talked about how she felt when she was pregnant. Which I tried to play off as casual convo. Then we left to meet up with everyone else at the cottage we were renting.
My Mom and I unpacked and then waited for the others to get there. The next person there was my Aunt Janet. The first thing she says when she walks through the door is that she brought 5 bottles of wine. She then sets them on the table and produces a stack of cups with names on them. Of course she has one with my name on it. Immediately I am nervous and anxious. I don't want my mom to find out I'm pregnant on her own. I want to tell her. I could just refuse the wine which she is pouring for herself and my mom at this very moment. It wouldn't be strange to decline a glass of wine the first time but this is going to go on all weekend. How can I avoid this all weekend. It's at this point I decide to tell her. I can't keep it in anymore.
I walk up to her and my aunt. I look my mom in eyes and grab her hand and say "Mom I can't have any wine". She says "What why?" I repeat myself and then she gets teary-eyed because she's starting to catch on. Then my aunt says "Jane she's pregnant! You're going to be a grandma!" Then my mom puts her hand on my stomach (which she already has a habit of doing now) and asks me some questions. She can't believe I didn't tell her at lunch. I tell my Aunt and her that I dont' want everyone to know. However all their yelling after they found out brings my Aunt Joyce running down the stairs. So now it's 2 aunts and my mom that know. I repeat that I dont' want them to tell anyone and they all agree to keep it quiet.
The next person I tell is my sister Sarah. The whole group took a walk down to the beach. I got Sarah to walk away from the group. It was such a pretty night. The moon was bright. You could see fog on the water and the pier was glowing off in the distance. I grabbed her hand and put it on my stomach and said "You're going to be a Auntie!" I think she said something like "really are you serious?" She was excited. It was fun to tell her. One down....2 more sisters to go.
Besides some friends at work I haven't told anyone else yet. Maybe soon though.
I wanted to share how I've been feeling during wk 5. I feel tired. I seem to get nausea after I eat which I think is weird. It seems to peek its ugly head at 4 am on the nights I work. So far I haven't actually thrown up but maybe I would feel better if I did. The thing that is the worst is that my boobs hurt. Which I get around my period normally but this is a lot worse. I can barely sleep on my stomach! Other than all that I feel good. I seem to have lost some weight. Probably because I don't have much of an appetite.
Tomorrow Josh and I leave for Traverse City! Probably the last trip we take before we become parents. I hope I feel good!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Lets Pretend It's October 4...
No actually lets start at the beginning! Where does the beginning begin...lets see. We'll start with August 22, 2008. It was a hot day. The kind of day you sweat the second you step outside. It was the day I married Josh. After we got married we knew right away we wanted to have kids but I had to finish nursing school first.
It was hard to watch our friends around us "start living" while we felt like our lives were on hold but I can say now it was well worth it. I FINALLY graduated December 8, 2010! I landed a job at Metro Health Hospital (after many drop-in's to the manager) as a nurse on Labor and Delivery! My first day was January 17 and I was so nervous! However, it is such a blessing because that is my dream job! (not every day but most days :) That's about the time Josh and I started TTC (trying to conceive) or more so stopped trying to prevent pregnancy. Four months later, when nothing had happened in April we decided to really TTC. By June I still wasn't pregnant and the new job and this TTC was too stressful. SO we took the summer "off" and went back to letting what happen happen. We did a lot of camping and kayaking. I called it our "Summer of Fun" (yes...guilty...I stole that from Giuliana Rancic). Not sure if Josh knew I was calling it that. Maybe it was just in my head....anyways. In August we decided to once again TTC. I had been tracking my cycle and pretty much knew when I ovulated but I bought an ovulation kit anyways. I was going to show my cycle who was in charge! But then in September I found out my cycle hadn't been listening to me and I STILL wasn't pregnant. We went right back to TTC again in September but I was starting to feel like it wasn't going to happen...ever! I knew too many ppl who had problems TTC and I was convinced I was going to to.
On October 1st (Saturday) I decided to take a pregnancy test because I had a bachelorette party that night. I wasn't supposed to get my period for a couple of days but I was anxious to know and didn't want to be drinking if I was pregnant. It was negative and I started spotting later that day. Awesome.
Later that day I went to run some errands and picked up some KFC for lunch. (Don't judge!) There I am alone in the parking lot eating my not-so-healthy lunch, thinking about how yet another Facebook friend has just announced she's pregnant and a song comes on the radio. "While I'm Waiting" -John Waller
At this point I start to cry. Yes cry. Why you ask? For many reasons. First because I'm feeling sorry for myself, second because I'm feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself and lastly because what this song is saying touches me. It stirs something deep within me. This is the person I want to be. I want to trust God that He knows what I need, when I need it and He has a plan. At that moment I knew God was telling me something and it gave me peace and hope. God always has a way of doing that to me. The little bit of Him that I can even know and can understand overwhelms me at times like this. I just want to be still and know He is God. It comforts me that I'm not in control but He is. It was just what I needed to hear.
I finish running my errands for the day and go to the Bachelorett Party. I end up talking to a couple of girls that I know have had their own stories related to TTC. It was nice to feel like I wasn't alone. The party bus was nice too hehe :)
It was hard to watch our friends around us "start living" while we felt like our lives were on hold but I can say now it was well worth it. I FINALLY graduated December 8, 2010! I landed a job at Metro Health Hospital (after many drop-in's to the manager) as a nurse on Labor and Delivery! My first day was January 17 and I was so nervous! However, it is such a blessing because that is my dream job! (not every day but most days :) That's about the time Josh and I started TTC (trying to conceive) or more so stopped trying to prevent pregnancy. Four months later, when nothing had happened in April we decided to really TTC. By June I still wasn't pregnant and the new job and this TTC was too stressful. SO we took the summer "off" and went back to letting what happen happen. We did a lot of camping and kayaking. I called it our "Summer of Fun" (yes...guilty...I stole that from Giuliana Rancic). Not sure if Josh knew I was calling it that. Maybe it was just in my head....anyways. In August we decided to once again TTC. I had been tracking my cycle and pretty much knew when I ovulated but I bought an ovulation kit anyways. I was going to show my cycle who was in charge! But then in September I found out my cycle hadn't been listening to me and I STILL wasn't pregnant. We went right back to TTC again in September but I was starting to feel like it wasn't going to happen...ever! I knew too many ppl who had problems TTC and I was convinced I was going to to.
On October 1st (Saturday) I decided to take a pregnancy test because I had a bachelorette party that night. I wasn't supposed to get my period for a couple of days but I was anxious to know and didn't want to be drinking if I was pregnant. It was negative and I started spotting later that day. Awesome.
Later that day I went to run some errands and picked up some KFC for lunch. (Don't judge!) There I am alone in the parking lot eating my not-so-healthy lunch, thinking about how yet another Facebook friend has just announced she's pregnant and a song comes on the radio. "While I'm Waiting" -John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
And I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yea
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
And I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yea
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
At this point I start to cry. Yes cry. Why you ask? For many reasons. First because I'm feeling sorry for myself, second because I'm feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself and lastly because what this song is saying touches me. It stirs something deep within me. This is the person I want to be. I want to trust God that He knows what I need, when I need it and He has a plan. At that moment I knew God was telling me something and it gave me peace and hope. God always has a way of doing that to me. The little bit of Him that I can even know and can understand overwhelms me at times like this. I just want to be still and know He is God. It comforts me that I'm not in control but He is. It was just what I needed to hear.
I finish running my errands for the day and go to the Bachelorett Party. I end up talking to a couple of girls that I know have had their own stories related to TTC. It was nice to feel like I wasn't alone. The party bus was nice too hehe :)
I had to work the next night. (yes I work nights and its not my most favorite thing about my job). And I had to work the next night. By the end of my shift (Tuesday Morning October 4th) I am still spotting. "This isn't like me" I'm thinking. "I never spot for days...whats going on?" "I shouldn't take a PT because if it is positive I won't be able to sleep and I have to work tonight!" "But if I don't take one these what-ifs are going me make me go insane!" This is all going on in my head. But what do I do when I get home. I take a PT. Yup! And I stare at it...I don't walk away like normal people do I...no. I watch as one pink line appears. "Yup I knew it, " I'm thinking, "Why did I even take another stupid test? The one 2 days ago was negative too." Then the strangest thing happens. There seems to be yet another pink line forming. This is the point where I get a shiver of excitement and fear zap down my spine. I just keep watching as it gets darker and darker. Then I re-read the instructions on the box just to be sure those 2 lines are telling me what I think they're telling me. WOW...really I can't believe it! Now I don't know what to do. I'm pregnant!
Do I call Josh...do I wait till he gets home. NO! It's 8 am...I can't wait that long. SO I call him. His first response is "are you sure?' He can't believe it either. Then he tells me not to get too excited yet. I know this is because we know so many ppl who have lost their pregnancy's in the first trimester. But it still errks me that he can't just be happy. But he says he's happy and I know he is but he's worried to. I'm worried as well. I work OB...I know EVERYTHING that can go wrong! But I'm trying not to worry. God is in control and that gives me comfort.
After I hang up the phone I have to tell Alicia. I mean I just have to! Josh said I can't tell anyone else though. So I call her. She is so excited for me too. I talk about my worries and she listens. I always feel better after I talk to her. Then I decide to go to sleep. Which as I predicted doesn't work. I wake up a lot and then I finally give up at 3.
Josh gets home shortly there after. He wants me to take another PT just to be sure. So I do and it's just as fun as the first time to watch 2 pink lines appear. What isn't so fun is working that night because I am tired and I have the worst heart burn in the world. Nothing helps. Not even a whole bottle of Tums.
Today is actually Oct 11. My sisters birthday. I am 5wks and 1 day according to my LMP. I have my first OBGYN appt on November 8. But I'm hoping to get a friend at work to do a ultra sound at wk 7 and maybe even use a Doppler to hear babies heart beat. One of the many perks to working in OB!
I haven't told many friends or family yet. I'll share those stories later...my fingers hurt from all this typing :) I just wanted to pretend it was Oct 4 because thats the day I found out I am going to be a mommy!!!
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